…I Used To Be Cool…

January 15, 2018

…Weeeeeelllllll, that might be a stretch. But for real, I feel like since having Puff (god bless his fucking adorable almost 8 month-old soul), I’ve lost my gangsterness.

Here is a picture of Puff to support my claim above:

I’m feeling the beginnings of turning into a basic mom, you guys.

Frankly. this is unacceptable. Fuck that shit.

I need to prove to Puff, to you…and most importantly (I gueeeeesssssss) to MYSELF, that I am still super fly.

Here is another picture of Puff, because why not.

I think this is due in part to not writing, like, EVER, anymore. There is something to be said about (explicitly) expressing yourself online. It affects me deeply.- (that was dramatic). It’s always been a healthy and necessary outlet for me. I’ve decided that even if I write about minutiae, I WILL WRITE!

My goal is once a week, but in case you forgot, I do have a baby, and sometimes shit gets exhausting, and all I want to do is talk to NO ONE, put my face mask on and SLEEEEEEP, so we’ll see. I’m not making any promises, just expressing my honest attempt at implementing change.

In case you forgot that I have a baby, here is one more picture of him.

In addition to letting my coolness start to slip away, I’ve aged. For example, I’ve always had dark circles under my eyes – like since I was a little kid. It’s just my complexion, so I’ve always lived and died by a phenomenal concealer (currently Cle De Peau). Having a baby hasn’t helped. <fake smile with teeth>.  As a result, I sometimes don’t feel super gorge, and then I wallow in my sorrows and pitch Botox to HB…although I still breastfeed Moo (also his nickname), so it will have to wait until I wrap that up – which I’ll do when I feel good a ready…Oh yeah, and bytheway, zip it when it comes to unsolicited advice on breastfeeding. But, while we’re on the topic, I have to wrap this bitch up in 30, because I have to pump for the night and immediately insert myself into bed.

What should I bring up next? I guess I’ll elaborate a little more about feeling uncool…


Okay, but more specifically, I think my ability to respond with wit and humor has retarded (the VERB). This is all forms of communication: texting, talking on the phone and in person. This is very disappointing. I contribute this to not writing freely anymore, and so here I am! Walking my talk. Yeah son.

I also feel like there’s a LOT of unnecessary seriousness involved in parenting, that may or may not have rubbed off on me. Always so much controversy over doing things one way versus the other way, comparing kids, it just can be realllllllly judgey and uptight. Annoying times 10. My solution is the following:

Avoid these types of people

Make fun of said people

Don’t take things too seriously (unless, of course, it’s legitimately serious).

…Fewf…I feel better already. Here’s a hot picture of myself where I look really cool and milfy…

It’s been real.


Puffy 2.0

December 5, 2017


Remember me? Yeah, yeah…I know…it’s been an eternity since I last posted, but this Mom shit is FOR REAL.

Okay, that’s slightly an excuse, but I just need to make it more routine to update now that things are running smoothly and Mommy and Daddy are sleeping again! (thank fucking god). The days of night feedings are long behind us.

So Puff (aka: Mikey) is now 6.5 months. My obsession for every square inch of him runs too deep to describe. I eat him alive at all times.


So this little Puff Pocket had to endure a surgery yesterday to correct hydronephrosis he had in his right kidney. The short of this is that there was an obstruction – and in his case two very large obstructions – that had to be removed so that his urine could flow out of the kidney, through his new ureter, and into the bladder. If this goes untreated it could lead to kidney failure. We would never know there was anything wrong with him if we didn’t get ultrasounds during my pregnancy – we’ve actually known he’s had this since I was 21 weeks pregnant. Many times it corrects itself as the baby grows, but Puff’s didn’t (I think because the universe knew he was a SUPER STRONG baby that could withstand the surgery).

I debated sharing this on social media, because there’s nothing more horrible than people sharing bad shit about their child, but this has a happy ending, and if anyone else is pregnant and they find out their babe has this, they can rest knowing it’s very common, and the procedure to correct it is very straight forward. It also helped that we worked with one of the best Pediatric Urologists in the country (Dr. Poppas).

He had the operation yesterday morning. While it was the longest 24 hours of our lives, the surgery went great, and he was such a trooper. (def. not a pussy). We got home this morning, and now look forward to SLEEPING, SLEEPING, and some more SLEEPING.

…in the meantime, check out this little tushy monster in his “tired little tiger” hospital gown. I saved it. Duh.


Here he was pre-op. V. popular with the ladies. He played the field while he was there. Got a couple numbers. Prob won’t call anyone back.

This was leaving the hospital this morning. The look of EXHAUSTION times 10!!! He got home and took two, two hour naps. 

Doing some playing post-op…and me playing with my new iphone X, son! Portrait mode is a GAME-CHANGER.

That’s all for today folks.

I am grateful for modern medical technology…and for all of you.