...So what the fuck happened to the Dubie this week?!?!
I'll break it down for you:
I've been working like a mad woman.
I'm short on sleep = I'm burnt toast = I'm a capital C-R-A-B crab.
You should also be very well aware that I am on my dot. I'm sure you love knowing about my menstrual cycle (bytheway menstrual is a TERRIBLE word. HATE), especially all my boyyyz. <SIGH> I make no apologies. The Dubes tells all. Take it or leave. I am a woman. I have a vagina and it bleeds every month when little Mikey's and little Laura's aren't created.
So, you see, it should go without saying that I have been in a very special, highly-emo state. I think every day this week I've cried at least once or have been on the verge of tears. Wah wahhhh. I've been a total head case. So, aside from the fact that I haven't really had the time that I'd like to dedicate an HQ post for your eyeballs, my mind hasn't been in the right space to deliver the YOLO SWAG BADASS GANGSTER SHIT you all look forward to.
HERE. I. AM!!!!!!!
Getting all jacked up on coffee-(thanks Bunny!), listening to Mariah Carey (oh yeah), and talking to all of YOU, my beautiful Muñecas. The cabeza is in a much better place now, as I sit here typing from BED. Fuck yeah. BED. AMAZEBALLS times infinity.
So, what should we talk about now that the air is cleared? I think I'll give you five more little nuggets of surprise about yours truly. Deal? Cool.
UNO: I shave my arms. WHAT?!?!? Yes. I shave my arms. I've shaved them since high school. All the cheerleaders were doing it, and I (obviously) succumbed to peer pressure, and deleted my blonde fuzz. And for those wondering, it still grows back blonde and fuzzy (not black and stubbly).
DOS: I dislike fruity gum because I'm convinced it GIVES you bad breath. It's fantastic for the first three seconds, then BOOM, the sugar dissolves and it's nothing but a flavorless piece of putty, and we're left with 10 calories and stank breath. Gross. Delete.
TRES: I've never watched Star Wars. (Cookie!!!) <Gasp!> In my defense I've seen PARTS, but NEVER, EVER the entire movie.
CUATRO: I will NOT go down water slides. Used to love them, until I flew off of one when I was seven and split my eyebrow open. Blood was everywhere. Gushing. If I never see a waterslide again, I have lived a good life. For starters my enormous ass would most likely not fit on the damn thing, and let's be real, it's a 100% guarantee that you end up topless with a ferocious camel toe and wedgie. DELETE.
CINCO: I LOVE the smell of browning garlic and onion. OMG. BEST. EVER. So delicious. It reminds me of my Mama making her spaghetti sauce. Also the BEST EVER.
That's all I got. I love you to the moon and back.
Listen to this first. A little MC and Bone Thugs = Happiness. #alwaysbemybaby
P.S.: For those of you losers who don't yet LIKE the DD on Facebook, here are some courtesy selfies you missed this week: