Mikey: The Happy Sleeper

September 27, 2017

Hello Party People.

What the fuck is uuuuuuup?!?

So we are starting to feel like normal, functioning humans again! YAY!

Little Mikey is 4 months old and as delicious as ever. He’s very popular with the hunnies, and spits a good game. This should come as no surprise considering who his parents are. <duh>

Like all parents, we think our sugar puff is the most advanced baby genius…and wait, I’m going to get even more annoying…


That he (basically) SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!

There. I said it. I am officially an annoying mom. (he has two more days left of his night time bottle…he’s down to 1 oz!)

If you’re not a parent and never on plan on being one, level with me here. Imagine not getting more than two hours of sleep at a time for MONTHS. You literally MELT DOWN. My guess is that you have one, measly shitty night’s sleep and your world falls apart – at least that’s how I was before I birthed a human…Now, imagine not being in control of how much rest you can get. It literally feels like it will never end. My point is, it is a form of torture, and anything you can do to change it, you will do. (Maybe that’s why you never want a kid – and part of me doesn’t blame you. It’s no secret they can be a pain in the ass ;)).

HB and I were ridden with anxiety at night, because we couldn’t fathom feeling any more tired than we were, and we fantasized about getting just three or even four straight hours of sleep before we had to tend to the Moo…and FULL DISCLOSURE: We had help! We had a baby nurse for a month, now a nanny who comes four days a week, and my husband wakes up in the middle of the night to give the baby a bottle for me! I could not have it easier…and yet it’s still HARRRRRRRRD.

So last week, after spending 20 minutes holding a pacifier to his mouth at 4:23 a.m., only to have him wake up 10 minutes later, I decided IT WAS TIME. He needed to learn how to do this on his own. I was DONE.

But I won’t bullshit you. It wasn’t easy for US. I’ve come to the realization that when it comes to your baby and their sleep, the parents are 100% the problem. I had to get big Mikey on board…and let’s just say if it were up to him, Little Mikey would still be in his Love To Dream swaddle, sleeping in the Rock ‘N Play and still in our bedroom. Yeah, not exactly the change-initiator.

Now (because of MOI) he’s in his crib, in his own room, and as of one week ago, falls asleep by himself (without a pacifier).


Yes, I’d like a cookie for this accomplishment. A  motherfuckin’ dozen, actually.

I trusted my gut, and committed to “The Happy Sleeper” method. It’s worked beautifully so far. This is a method of cry it out, using five minute checks so your baby doesn’t become fearful, or think he’s being abandoned – although I know many people who just let the baby cry for an hour or two (no checks), never to have it happen again. So whatever you’re comfortable with, DO. Different strokes for different folks.

The first night we let him cry it out, I almost cried myself, but was pleasantly surprised when he went radio silent after just 13 minutes. I then knew that we were actually GIVING him something – allowing him the space to figure things out on his own, and know that he can fall asleep by himself. From that moment on, it’s been a GAME CHANGER! Even though he still has some nights where he wakes 3-4 times, we are much more at ease, knowing that HE can put himself back to sleep without our help.

It’s a beautiful thing.


I’d now like to discuss how, after being sleep deprived for four months, I need Botox.

True story. See below, most notably, under my left eye. I’m not fishing for compliments here. I call it as I see it, people!

The bad news is, I can’t get it (yet) because I am still breastfeeding…but I am considering some rejuvenation once that comes to an end. TBD!


That’s all for today.

THE LIST: Baby Shit You Actually Need (0-3 months)

September 3, 2017

Well hot damn…It’s only taken me AN ENTIRE WEEK to post this! Babies are the ultimate distraction…


What’s up MoFos?

I’m back! …And with a baby-centric post, no less. I’ve got important shit to share with you before I force myself to stay awake for the season finale of Game of Thrones. Doesn’t HBO know that there is a girl named Laura Constantiner who has a 3-month-old and would like to hit the hay no later than 9pm? They really need to get their priorities in order over there.

Shit better be worth it

<fast-forward two days later>

It was worth it!!!

Now we have to wait another bloody YEAR for the grand finale!


In other news, we just got Little Mikey’s newborn photos! They are everything. Ford Models called after seeing the attitude this one brings to the camera…<cue: side eye>.

…There’s plenty more where that came from.


I’ve been accumulating a list of stuff you actually need and that the baby will actually like the first few months. If I was privy to this when I was pregnant, I’d save a fuck load of cash and some precious New York City space.

It should be noted that (duh) all babes are different, but my little Mikey loved the following:

0-3 months: I’ve bolded MUST HAVES.

Fisher Price Rock N Play

(3) Love To Dream Swaddles

Fisher Price Bath Tub with newborn sling

(6-8) Gerber long sleeved shirts (until umbilical cord falls off)

(8-12) Short + Long sleeved white onesies

Baby Shusher (amazing for traveling/diaper bag, too).

Marpac Dohm white noise maker

(10-15) White Giggle organic burp cloths – literally THE BEST! 

Dr. Brown’s Options Bottles (4 oz. & 8 oz.)

(2-4) Avent Soothie pacifiers

Pacifier clips! 

Boon Orb Bottle Warmer

Munchkin Latch two-tiered bottle drying rack 

Dr. Brown’s bottle brush

(2 packs) Green Sprouts Bibs 

(10 pk.) Spasilk wash cloths (perfect size!)

Footless sleep gowns (open bottom / easy to change at night *Giggle runs BIG in sizing).

A&D cream


Noodle + Boo Shampoo

Triple Paste rash cream

Gripe Water

Water Wipes

Chucks changing table pads

(2) Simple Wishes pumping bras

My Breast Friend + (2) Covers

New Chapter Postnatal Viatmins

Baby Bjorn bouncer with wooden toy bar

Nuna Leaf with toy bar

Tiny Love Gymini super deluxe lights & music activity mat 

(2) Baby Merlin’s Magic Sleep Suit

MilkBarn organic footed pajamas


That about does it. Hit me up with any ?s…next post will be adult-focused (with some sneaky pictures of LMC). I swear.