The Home Stretch: 4 More Weeks!

April 28, 2017

Hey Homies!

This will likely be my last post before Bebé…


I’ll be 36 weeks on Sunday.

WE ARE READY. Come baby come, baby, baby, come! 

Apart from the occasional emotional meltdown, I’m feeling pretty good. (Triggers vary from Real Housewives episodes to Instagram Memes –that aren’t sad whatsoever, to HB expecting me to walk 15 minutes to a subway station). True story, I gave him the silent treatment for our entire 30 minute cab ride from the Financial District to the UES on Sunday. After arguing for 10 minutes on Park Avenue, HB managed to smooth things over and my anger, begrudgingly, fizzled. Fortunately, this was the most heated argument we’ve had since the spawn of our spawn.


Husbands/Partners really need to grant a free pass to every pregnant woman in her third trimester – especially in instances where she displays erratic, unreasonable, and irrational behavior. It comes with the territory. Remember, if you have a dick..YOU AREN’T GROWING A HUMAN INSIDE YOU. Your life as you know it has not changed (yet). Meanwhile, ours has been taken over by this little person for NINE MOTHERFUCKING MONTHS (someone told me that my motherly instincts must have kicked in because me previous posts have been lacking expletives, so this is my honest attempt at rebelling and proving that I still have some fucks left inside my pregnant soul). Tee hee.


I reeeaaaalllllly want to show you an ultrasound picture of our chubby bunny, because I am so obsessed with his face, however, I won’t because odds are you won’t know what in the fuck you’re looking at. Let’s be real. In fact, I sent my mom the latest picture of him, and that was her response, exactly: “I don’t know what I’m looking at, honey”  :::SIGH::: So, until he’s born, you get nothin’.

But, you DO get to play a little guessing game. I setup an online pool for Baby C. You can guess his due date, size, hair color, etc. While I’d like to think I won’t be offended by you not participating in my amazing game, chances are likely that I’ll unfriend you on social media if I realize you don’t. 

Here is a link to the optional game I want you to play —> BABY HUNCH

It will take less than 1 minute. DO NOT DISAPPOINT PREGNANT LAURA!


That’s all I got.

Peace my loves,


Pregnant Laura Update: 34 Weeks + 2 Days

April 18, 2017

Buenos Dias Familia de Daily Dubie! 

I’m bringing the Spanish back strong…because you know as well as I do that Baby C will be bilingual. He’s so advanced…

Here’s the latest as far as Pregnant Laura is concerned: I’m 34 weeks + 2 days. I’ve stopped weighing myself, but I can tell you that my bump is 40″ in circumference. Seemingly small tasks are exhausting, I drink no fewer than two La Croix’s daily (I prefer Pamplemousse + Lemon), and I surprisingly (and ironically) sleep like a baby, with the exception of waking up to pee, at minimum, twice nightly. Not bad, from what I’ve read. I’ll take it.

We took a childbirth class all day Saturday (10am-5pm). Of everything we learned, HB cannot wait to give me multiple massages during the 1st stage labor (there are 3 stages, for those who don’t know).

For the record, my sweet husband is not the best at giving massages (more so because he loses interest in about 30 seconds). Lol. I bought him this to help…

The highlight of my day was when HB learned how to do “the hip squeeze” and “sacrum press” on me. It felt wonderful, and has now been something “I need” daily since Saturday. <insert evil grin>. This obviously helps relieve the unfathomable pain and pressure  I am about to be feel in those areas…although in a weird way, I’m not phased by it at all. I’m not afraid of pain. (I say this now, but we’ll see how things progress once I’m actually in labor)…I’ll be live streaming it…Yeah fucking right.


As promised, here is the latest on Baby C’s room. It’s coming along…Not finished yet, but I’ve given you a tour. HOLLA!


That’s all for today…