April 17, 2015

All My Mutha Fuckaaaaaaaassssss…

It’s Fri-Yay.



Photo on 4-17-15 at 10.12 AM #3

I literally have a thousand announcements today.

(more like four)


ONE: There is a muthafuckin’ mouse in tha muthafuckin’ house. For real. We have a MOUSE. I weirdly love the idea. Little mousey-mouse. For the record, HB spotted it early this morning while I was at the gym getting swole. I have yet to see it for myself. My boy Antonio (exterminator) swept the apartment and set some traps up. Antonio was a fountain of information.


Mice have a very strong sense of smell. I was told that if I were to bake a chocolate cake, the smell of the flour alone, would ring sirens in their mouse brains, sirens that scream CAKE IS COMING!!! They want that CAKE. They will risk death for cake.

They love chocolate and peanut butter. (Weird. We don’t have any in the apartment).

I never knew I had so much in common with a mouse. (reference above).

They want nothing to do with Eucalyptus or Mint. Don’t want a mouse? Invest in a eucalyptus candle. Boom. Gone.

TWO: I am strongly considering bangs. I want to know what YOU think. I am officially unofficially taking a poll – write YAY or NAY in the comments below (or on the Facebook post). Participate or die. It wouldn’t be anything that maj. Just a light feather dusting…like Uma in Kill Bill.


THREE: I was accused of being a fraudulent gangster this morning, because I was unfamiliar with Rakim’s work. <insert emoji with straight line for a mouth>. My bad. My rise to gangsterhood did not begin until the mid-90’s, around the ballpark age of 12. But now I know. What. What. Just more thuggish goodness to add to my playlist, Baes…

FOUR: After 2 short months of life, the bedazzled phone case no one everyone loved, is now in the garbage.

As you can see, jewels were falling off left and right. You know I can’t have that noise.


Know that it has been replaced with this, much sleeker, more aerodynamic piece of gold.

You can all sleep at night, now.

Bonus: It does not snag my underwear or cut me when I shove it in my pants during workouts. Win.

Photo on 4-17-15 at 10.12 AM


I realize that I’ve just wasted spent your time talking about nothing, but it’s Friday. Now is not the time for bombs of knowledge. Your priority should be to think about nothing, get laid and smoke a fatty. Duh.

Peace Babies. I love you. Muah.



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