…I Used To Be Cool…

January 15, 2018

…Weeeeeelllllll, that might be a stretch. But for real, I feel like since having Puff (god bless his fucking adorable almost 8 month-old soul), I’ve lost my gangsterness.

Here is a picture of Puff to support my claim above:

I’m feeling the beginnings of turning into a basic mom, you guys.

Frankly. this is unacceptable. Fuck that shit.

I need to prove to Puff, to you…and most importantly (I gueeeeesssssss) to MYSELF, that I am still super fly.

Here is another picture of Puff, because why not.

I think this is due in part to not writing, like, EVER, anymore. There is something to be said about (explicitly) expressing yourself online. It affects me deeply.- (that was dramatic). It’s always been a healthy and necessary outlet for me. I’ve decided that even if I write about minutiae, I WILL WRITE!

My goal is once a week, but in case you forgot, I do have a baby, and sometimes shit gets exhausting, and all I want to do is talk to NO ONE, put my face mask on and SLEEEEEEP, so we’ll see. I’m not making any promises, just expressing my honest attempt at implementing change.

In case you forgot that I have a baby, here is one more picture of him.

In addition to letting my coolness start to slip away, I’ve aged. For example, I’ve always had dark circles under my eyes – like since I was a little kid. It’s just my complexion, so I’ve always lived and died by a phenomenal concealer (currently Cle De Peau). Having a baby hasn’t helped. <fake smile with teeth>.  As a result, I sometimes don’t feel super gorge, and then I wallow in my sorrows and pitch Botox to HB…although I still breastfeed Moo (also his nickname), so it will have to wait until I wrap that up – which I’ll do when I feel good a ready…Oh yeah, and bytheway, zip it when it comes to unsolicited advice on breastfeeding. But, while we’re on the topic, I have to wrap this bitch up in 30, because I have to pump for the night and immediately insert myself into bed.

What should I bring up next? I guess I’ll elaborate a little more about feeling uncool…

WHAT A FUCKING LOSER! HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Okay, but more specifically, I think my ability to respond with wit and humor has retarded (the VERB). This is all forms of communication: texting, talking on the phone and in person. This is very disappointing. I contribute this to not writing freely anymore, and so here I am! Walking my talk. Yeah son.

I also feel like there’s a LOT of unnecessary seriousness involved in parenting, that may or may not have rubbed off on me. Always so much controversy over doing things one way versus the other way, comparing kids, it just can be realllllllly judgey and uptight. Annoying times 10. My solution is the following:

Avoid these types of people

Make fun of said people

Don’t take things too seriously (unless, of course, it’s legitimately serious).

…Fewf…I feel better already. Here’s a hot picture of myself where I look really cool and milfy…

It’s been real.

 

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