Lunes (“Monday” en Espanol)

May 4, 2015

‘Sup Playas?

Photo on 5-4-15 at 11.38 AM #2

I am eating a plate of bacon right now, and wondering why it’s SO. FUCKING. GOOD. This thought surfaces EVERY time I let a crispy, fatty, salty, piece of bacon dissolve in my mouth. EVERY time. And then I think about the putangs who don’t eat meat. The enormity of how much they’re missing out is incomprehensible.


Today is hot in New York City. 80 degrees, bitches. Obviously I am wearing shorts.

Photo on 5-4-15 at 11.38 AM

Oh haaaaaaayyyyyy-aaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy.

I was also gifted the shirt I’m wearing. I don’t really know why anyone would think I love squats though…weird, right? <wink wink>

Photo on 5-4-15 at 11.37 AM


HB and I had a tight weekend. (bytheway, saying “tight” is really cool). Here are some highlights:


9:30pm: Meet for dinner at Westville. Have bacon, vegetables, and a glass of red wine I couldn’t finish.

10:15pm: Times square for Kids In The Hall sketch show. We buy 4 waters and twizzlers (my idea).

10:30pm: Show starts. It’s fantastic. We are LOL-ing.

10:45pm: HB is asleep.

11pm: HB is snoring

11:30pm: I wake HB up, so he can go to bed.


Daytime: HB goes to birthday party in the city. I go to Kentucky Derby party in Mahwah, NJ. It takes me 2 hours and two trains to get there. I’m on baby duty for my Muffin’s 10 week old peanut. She is perfect and never cries. I take an Uber back to the city at 8:30pm. There is no traffic in the Holland Tunnel.

9:30pm: HB and I are finally home. I order pizza while HB figures out the On-Demand fight situation.

10pm: $100 later, and the fights are on. All the beautiful people are there. Paris Hilton is annoying.

10:20pm: HB is sleeping on the couch. I have to re-position him because I can’t have all that weight resting on my biceps tendonitis. I prop up the emoji pillow and the bae pillow for him.

10:45pm: I am getting excited for this fight all by myself, while HB is sleeping. I want Pacquiao to KO Flyod “Team Money” Mayweather, because he’s a dick and I think losing will be healthy for him.

10:50pm: I attempt to wake HB up, but he is not cooperative and resumes sleeping.

1am: Fight is over. Manny thinks he won and everyone else is tweeting about how much the fight sucked and that Mayweather only runs away from his opponent. WHY IS THIS SURPRISING? Shut the eff up, people.

1:30am: Goodnight.


THE ONLY THING YOU NEED TO KNOW is that we walked around outside ALL day and it was fabulous, I got a new bike! (HOLLA!), we drank some class in a glass (rose) outside, and HB didn’t fall asleep on me. Boom. Weekend ova. Yeeeahhhh boy.



Prenatal Pilates – What’s Different? Why do it?


I leave you with this nugget of truth to start your weeks off legit:


…and this








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