December 1, 2016


It’s been exactly 35 days since we last spoke. I think I can speak for all of you when I say that your lives have been so much more dull because of it. And I’m sorry, <pause> but I’m not sorry…

A LOT has changed over here. <cue: cryptic undertone> —I’m leaving space here to make you wait longer and up the ante—

I feel like I’ve been waiting an ETERNITY to tell you that…

MY UTERUS IS OCCUPIED with a (now) handsome, peach-sized, jumping bean of a BABY BOY!  

(For the record, I think he will have blue eyes, so my emoji baby is somewhat accurate).


I’m going to be a Mama in May, and I look forward to sharing the ride with your eyeballs. And I won’t just talk about vaginas and the stretch marks (that I WILL NOT GET). I swear. It will be for all my ladies and, that’s right, you too, boys!

Get excited. Get, get excited. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am! Now that I’m not throwing up my insides day and night..woof.

That was another caveat to my not posting. I was a totally useless human being for three weeks. I spent my days bedridden, watching The Hills, and by the toilet. The highlight of my days included me mustering up the energy to shower and change pajamas.

NEWS FLASH: “Morning Sickness” is very misleading…the shit can last ALL day and night for weeks on end. I don’t mean to brag, but mine got so terrible, that it landed me in the hospital for a night. I know, very Kate Middleton. I am so royal.

It was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced , and I think even after I labor, I will take that excruciating pain over the seemingly endless nausea and vomiting I went through. Worth it, OBVIOUSLY! But, let’s just say, we’re stopping at two kids, max.

…The #MamaDubie adventures have commenced!

*Bonus: Along with my growing bump, my boobs have gotten “huge” (by my standards). It’s a beautiful thing, and HB would agree.



In other news. It’s December 1st. Fuck yeah!


I’ve had my tree up for 2.5 weeks now, so it’s old news to me. Pumpkins made me nauseous, and Christmas made me feel better, so I broke rules like the thug that I am, and decorated early.


I’ve already watched Christmas Vacation, Home Alone 1 and 2, Scrooged, Love Actually and Christmas With The Kranks, which I didn’t finish, because it was close to being one of the worst movies I’ve ever watched, and I have a newfound obsession with Solitaire. Solitaire was much more stimulating…naturally…


Well friends, I’ll leave it at that for today. I don’t want to blow your tops off with too much good news.

We were on a break, but now we’re back together, and tighter than ever. We’ll be talking again soon. Very soon…this pregnancy stuff leaves me with a LOT of writing material.





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