…I may or may not be listening to a conglomeration of Christmas tracks mixed-in with some Justin Bieber.
There I said it. Ain’t no shame in my game.
What should we talk about today?
How about getting older? Wow, that’s fun.
I’ll start by saying that the older I get, the quicker time seems to pass. And while there is nothing new, exciting or enlightening about that statement, it has only really started to hit me now, at 32 years old. Remember, I am telling you this, because this is my blog – a space for me to write openly and honestly about my life experiences and express how I make sense of shit (the good and bad) that happens to me, what I learn from it, and how I choose to move forward.
This newfound awareness has me thinking of all that I still want to accomplish in my life, and it makes me want to hit the throttle a little harder; a calling to ramp up my game and take 2016 to the next level.
Like, all of the sudden I am ready to TAKE ON THE WORLD. I am ready to handle anything that comes my way. Babies? Bring it (they just better be cute). New projects at work? Bring it. Starting a new business on the side? Bring it. Travel? Yes please. Discovering new ways of pushing my body? A resounding YES.
This realization is monumental for me, because I have never wanted to bite off more than I can chew. Never the procrastinator, I have always been over-prepared. I like my ducks in a fucking straight, color-coordinated row. I like to give myself too much time to prepare for things. I like to give myself room for error. In retrospect, I think this approach is due to a combination of me wanting to do my best, but I also think there is a fear of failing involved. A fear of leaving the safe zone…
While this certainly serves me well in some ways, I have discovered that it has also stunted my growth in a sense. There have been missed opportunities because I didn’t think I could do it all, and do it all well. I have also robbed myself of experiencing what it’s like to perform under pressure, which, now I know is invaluable.
The more I tip-toe out of my comfort zone, the more alive I feel.
Teaching Pilates definitely changed my path. It has taught me more about myself than anything else. It is a platform for me to help people connect with themselves, to push and appreciate their bodies, but it has also been a place for me to speak my truth, express my true self, and own my style of teaching, regardless of what other people think. I repeat, REGARDLESS OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK, and that is what it boils down to for me–the younger version of myself was fearful to act, because I cared more about what other people would think if I failed, which is what makes failure so painful – when you involve other people. You don’t want to let other people down. But this is a ridiculous way of living your life, and a guaranteed way to stay in the unfun zone. Other people’s reactions/feelings aren’t your responsibility, so you need to go out and do your thing. Odds are you will fuck up, but at least you tried and learned along the way.
In conclusion, the more responsibility I seem to take on, the more successful and productive I seem to be. I also seem to do really well under pressure, which, in a sick way, makes you want to experience it again, and again, and again. You don’t want it, but you do, because you know how great it feels to get through it…and I guess that is where I’m at now.
I don’t want a square, safe life. I want more than that, and I am starting to see that I really can have more…