What's up Motherfuckers!?!?
It's FRIDAY! It's FRIDAY! It's FRIDAY!
Hell <pause> YES.
Smoke on these #prettyselfies #neverugly
NAILS! I'm extremely satisfied with these. BLUE = BALLER!
I'd also like to announce that the Dubes is wearing JEANS!!!!!!!!!! Meet my boyfriend jeans, folks. <gasp!>
They're stupidly soft and ridiculously comfortable. For someone who pretty much thinks jeans are the absolute WORST, this says a lot. They're sexual too. They're not trying too hard, and they leave a little to the imagination. I would wear them with a form-fitted top ...and maybe, mayyyybe a little midriff showing (but like an inch, no Britney Speaks circa 1998 bullshit). Something chic and tasteful. Obvs.
Okay. <SIGH> Now that we're past the super important, life-changing shit you all HAD to know about, let's dig into the MEAT, baby...The JUICE, baby. THE STUFF.
LIGHT. IT. UP.
Naturally, I have a few comments before I give it to you good and reveal my TOP 3 THROWBACK TRACKS of the week.
Number One: I've been KILL-ING it at the gym this week, and by gym I mean Crossfit, not your snoozefest, pussy-ass, run-of-the-mill Equinox or Crunch. (#hateralert). I went four times! FOUR TIMES. Getting strong as shit AND bikini body ready = Boss. I love every moment. Today I did something I've never done before - I climbed a rope <insert: emoji with big eyeballs and no mouth>. My first attempt was a WHOPPING FAIL / DELETE, but I made it all the way to the TOP on my last two attempts! I was so proud. I also walked away with this amazing rope burn on my ankle. Check it:
The initial thought of doing this made me cower, but I showed up and fucking did it, which reinforced the fact that you have to start somewhere. When you're a novice, the only place you can go is UP. It really is a special moment to be a beginner. Who cares if you look stupid or fail, the fact that matters is that you're TRYING. You're making an earnest attempt to get better, get stronger, and get smarter at whatever it is you're trying to do. I'm the first to admit that a lot of times I feel extremely uncomfortable and probably look like an idiot doing all these weird movements and lifts that I've never done before, but I still do it. I still TRY. If I want to look hot doing this shit (and trust me, I WILL), I might need to look a little stupid first. I'm okay with that. I have some words, homies:
Don't let uncomfortable stand in your way.
GET AFTER IT!
Number Two: Honey Buns has not done his "chores," therefore, his ass gets put on BLAST! Take a look at the failure here...
Exhibit A: Failed to change the mini light bulb in the kitchen.
Exhibit B: Failed to add lighter fluid to this bad boy.
...Now, because I am such an amazing wife, I will not continue to hassle him, however, I will make his ongoing neglect very public. <smirk>. So, Honey Bunches Delight, I highly recommend you do what's right. If you want to make it to first base with your wife this weekend, you'll take care of this IMMEDIATELY. 'Nuff said.
Now, get after these THROWBACKS...
Top 3 Throwbacks of The Week:
This list was inspired by one of the most FANTASTIC movies of my adolescent past...
Can't Hardly Wait
It happened to be on when I was flying to California last weekend. Ugh. SO GOOD.
PRESS PLAY on ALL OF THIS, Homies! ALL OF THIS!
1). Dammit Blink 182.
2). Swing My Way - Remix. KP & Envyi
3). Only You - Alison Moyet *not on soundtrack.
I'm out. Peace Party People. I love you.