Happy Friday Motherfuckers

April 18, 2014

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What's up Motherfuckers!?!?

It's FRIDAY! It's FRIDAY! It's FRIDAY! 

Hell <pause> YES.

Smoke on these #prettyselfies #neverugly

Wuddup Homies!

NAILS! I'm extremely satisfied with these. BLUE = BALLER!

I'd also like to announce that the Dubes is wearing JEANS!!!!!!!!!! Meet my boyfriend jeans, folks. <gasp!> 

They're stupidly soft and ridiculously comfortable. For someone who pretty much thinks jeans are the absolute WORST, this says a lot. They're sexual too. They're not trying too hard, and they leave a little to the imagination. I would wear them with a form-fitted top ...and maybe, mayyyybe a little midriff showing (but like an inch, no Britney Speaks circa 1998 bullshit). Something chic and tasteful. Obvs.

***

Okay. <SIGH> Now that we're past the super important, life-changing shit you all HAD to know about, let's dig into the MEAT, baby...The JUICE, baby. THE STUFF.

LIGHT. IT. UP.

Naturally, I have a few comments before I give it to you good and reveal my TOP 3 THROWBACK TRACKS of the week. 

Number One: I've been KILL-ING it at the gym this week, and by gym I mean Crossfit, not your snoozefest, pussy-ass, run-of-the-mill Equinox or Crunch. (#hateralert). I went four times! FOUR TIMESGetting strong as shit AND bikini body ready = Boss. I love every moment. Today I did something I've never done before - I climbed a rope <insert: emoji with big eyeballs and no mouth>. My first attempt was a WHOPPING FAIL / DELETE, but I made it all the way to the TOP on my last two attempts! I was so proud. I also walked away with this amazing rope burn on my ankle. Check it:

The initial thought of doing this made me cower, but I showed up and fucking did it, which reinforced the fact that you have to start somewhere. When you're a novice, the only place you can go is UP. It really is a special moment to be a beginner. Who cares if you look stupid or fail, the fact that matters is that you're TRYING. You're making an earnest attempt to get better, get stronger, and get smarter at whatever it is you're trying to do. I'm the first to admit that a lot of times I feel extremely uncomfortable and probably look like an idiot doing all these weird movements and lifts that I've never done before, but I still do it. I still TRY. If I want to look hot doing this shit (and trust me, I WILL), I might need to look a little stupid first. I'm okay with that. I have some words, homies:

Don't let uncomfortable stand in your way. 

GET AFTER IT!

Booyah.

***

Number Two: Honey Buns has not done his "chores," therefore, his ass gets put on BLAST! Take a look at the failure here...

Exhibit A: Failed to change the mini light bulb in the kitchen.

Exhibit B: Failed to add lighter fluid to this bad boy.

...Now, because I am such an amazing wife, I will not continue to hassle him, however, I will make his ongoing neglect very public. <smirk>.  So, Honey Bunches Delight, I highly recommend you do what's right. If you want to make it to first base with your wife this weekend, you'll take care of this IMMEDIATELY. 'Nuff said.

***

Now, get after these THROWBACKS...

Top 3 Throwbacks of The Week:

This list was inspired by one of the most FANTASTIC movies of my adolescent past...

Can't Hardly Wait

Fuck. Yes. 

It happened to be on when I was flying to California last weekend. Ugh. SO GOOD.

PRESS PLAY on ALL OF THIS, Homies! ALL OF THIS!

1). Dammit Blink 182.

2). Swing My Way - Remix. KP & Envyi

3). Only You - Alison Moyet *not on soundtrack.

***

kissI'm out. Peace Party People. I love you.cool

 XOXO

5 More Things You’d Be Surprised to Know about me. Part Siete

April 15, 2014

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Homies de Mi Vida!!!

Buenos FUCKIN' Dias! ...

...Love,  la cama de Mr. & Mrs. Honey Buns...and our pet bunny, "Hip Hop."

<Sigh>

***

I've got X's and O's on my ears for you today. Check it.

That's wussup.

***

Get ready to GET AFTER the fun IMMEDIATELY. As in NOW! (I've got to teach in less than an hour, so I'm making it snappy).

TAKE A HIT...

5 More Things You'd Be Surprised to Know About Me, Part 7

1). Some would say I snap incorrectly. I use my thumb and ring finger, instead of my middle. But it's a nice, sharp snap. I thoroughly enjoy snapping - to music, at people - I snap.

2). I think fake meat of any kind is a joke. If you crave meat, eat mother fucking meat. Your body is telling you something. Listen to it. 

3). I wouldn't trust anyone with the name Jazz. I have nothing to add to this.

4). I love to sweat. HARD baby. I love nothing more than feeling juicy sweat beads dripping off of my body when I workout. In fact it motivates me even more to keep moving/keep going! Sweat = I've done a sufficient job of breaking down muscle fibers, building strength and toning my shit up...and it feels AHHH-MAZEEEE-IIIIINNNG.

5). I hate self-checkouts at grocery stores. The shit never works, then you have to wait 75309759037503705370 hours for an incompetent employee to remedy the situation - which usually involves them checking you out the standard way - it's  waste of time. I have no patience. DELETE.

***

That's all I got.

WE'RE DONE.

heartI LOVE YOU!heart

 XOXO 

What’s Up This Week

April 14, 2014

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'Sup Bitches?!?

THA DUBES IS BACK!

I'll let the selfies unfold...

Sun's out, guns out, baby! 

...That's the stuff.

***

My bout in Californ-i-a was short, sweet and filled the most beautiful eyeballs I've ever seen, a.k.a., my nieces and nephew. 

Get a load of the fun, Homies...

At the park with Sis, Buddy (Max) and Gracie

Powdered donuts...obviously...

Snuggles before show time at Ella's dance competition.

The Itsy Bitsy Spiders

At My Kath's baby shower! #bakingbabyball 

...They have no idea how to pose for a picture. NO idea. 

...and this....I cannot handle...

Or this!!! #stunners

<Sigh> ...I cannot get enough. I just can't...But I had to get back to New York City to be with my Boo and boss my beloved clients around in the Pilates studio. Obvs. <wink wink>

***

Before I cut to the chase and talk the agenda of the week, I have two small, but very important and noteworthy announcements...

 

SOME FUNNY...

Bahhhhhhhhhh! I LOL'd for real when I saw this at the airport. I almost bought it. Makes me smile. 

SOME FOOD...

The return of my "cookie cereal," which is really just an excuse for me to eat dessert for breakfast, let's be real.

In my defense, this cookie is loaded with a shit ton of healthy - almond flour, coconut flour, coconut sugar, banana, cinnamon, egg whites, dark chocolate, etc. Lots of fiber, protein, antioxidants...you know, all that jazz that helps make us look and feel hot as fuck.

The best thing about this situation is that (if cookies are baked in advance) the only preparation involved here is to

1). Drop the cookie in a bowl

2). Add some almond milk

3). Swag it up with some peanut butter and chia seeds like a bawwwwssssss.

Boom. Done. Eat.

***

K...HERE...WE...GO!!!

Hit it like you mean it.

AGENDA THIS WEEK

Tuesday: Oh it's time again. Find out 5 more things you'd be surprised to know about me for a good time, and maybe a good LOL. So much fun, folks. Do not miss the special here. Do NOT.

Wednesday: This might blow your mind, but I talk why I write for ME and not for YOU. <gasp!> I know. I sound like a selfish little ho, but tune-in to hear me out, and understand my process! 

Thursday: I've decided to designate Thursdays as an opportunity to give y'all some exceptional OG jams! Every week I'll post my Top 3 Throwback Tracks of the week. SO. MUCH. FUN. Get excited.

Friday: I'm over the whole "treat of the week" business. DELETE! I'm ready to TALK BODY. Every Friday I'll feature a Muscle of the Week, tell you where it is, what it does, and give you some suggested ways to stretch and strengthen the guy(s). Note: VIDEO might happen here. Oh yes. Good video. Here are my accompanying hashtags for this situation: #bangingbod #bikiniseason #toneitupyo. USE THEM - the muscles and the hashtags! - DUH.

***

'Aight. I'm done. Party's over. 

kissMuahkiss

 XOXO

SIMPLE WINS

April 8, 2014

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Hey Yo Homies.

Wudduuuuuup.

Shit. I am so happy right now. SO VERY HAPPY...and not only because I am wearing rainbow fucking sprinkle leggings (!!!!!!)...

...but also because today was my first day not having to wake up at 5:45am and teach an 11 hour day. <Sigh> 

As much as I LIVE, BREATHE AND SLEEP to teach, the Dubes was BEYOND BURNT TOAST...really I was BURNT TOAST CRUMBS. Being that my job demands ALL OF ME ALL THE TIME, when you run on empty as a teacher, it's terrible...and you don't teach your best = DELETE.

So now that I have a more balanced schedule, I am able to take the time to...wait for it, wait for it...

Exercise!

Make breakfast!

Study!...because ninjas never stop learning! Duh.

...and really bring it to all of your beautiful eyeballs. For real. I want to ALWAYS give you GRADE A, quality posts that hopefully inspire, motivate, or if anything at all, just make you LOL, 'cause  I love nothing more than making people happy. #fact

Booyah. 

***

Mmm k. You ready to get super serious? ...

Fuck that. You know we never take ourselves too seriously here on the Dubes, let's be honest...We do DIG DEEP, though.

HIT IT, HOMIES

***

SIMPLE WINS

I'll start with this quote:

“That’s been one of my mantras - focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.” - Steve Jobs

It is the tendency of a novice to over-complicate; say too much; do too much and skim over the basics. Sure, it's exciting to jump to what's sexier, but if you dismiss the foundation, then the core of what you do or say is no good. You'll find yourself in a pickle more often than not, because you've failed to take the time to master simple. Once you master simple, you can do anything. 

Simple = power. 

Having only been a Pilates teacher for one year, I can already say that the more experience I get, the less fussy and the less fancy my teaching becomes. The more clear and concise you can be, the better. Less is always more. 

...Now <pause> that's all I have to say about that, but I leave you with one more, genius quote that I read over, and over, and over again. It never gets old. 

LEARN IT. LIKE IT. DO IT.

“There is a compelling tendency among novices developing any skill or art, whether learning to play the violin, write poetry, or compete in gymnastics, to quickly move past the fundamentals and on to more elaborate, more sophisticated movements, skills, or techniques. This compulsion is the novice’s curse—the rush to originality and risk. The novice’s curse is manifested as excessive adornment, silly creativity, weak fundamentals and, ultimately, a marked lack of virtuosity and delayed mastery. If you’ve ever had the opportunity to be taught by the very best in any field you’ve likely been surprised at how simple, how fundamental, how basic the instruction was. The novice’s curse afflicts learner and teacher alike. Physical training is no different. What will inevitably doom a physical training program and dilute a coach’s efficacy is a lack of commitment to fundamentals. I understand how this occurs. It is natural to want to teach people advanced and fancy movements. The urge to quickly move away from the basics and toward more advanced movements arises out of the natural desire to entertain your client and impress him with your skills and knowledge. But make no mistake: it is a sucker’s move. Teaching a snatch where there is not yet an overhead squat, teaching an overhead squat where there is not yet an air squat is a colossal mistake. This rush to advancement increases the chance of injury, delays advancement and progress, and blunts the client’s rate of return on his efforts. In short, it retards his fitness. If you insist on basics, really insist on them, your clients will immediately recognize that you are a master trainer. They will not be bored: they will be awed. I promise this. They will quickly come to recognize the potency of fundamentals. They will also advance in every measurable way past those not blessed to have a teacher so grounded and committed to basics.” -Greg Glassman, Founder of CrossFit

***

That's all I got. 

heartI Love Youheart

 XOXO

Agenda

April 7, 2014

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Hayyyaaaa Ojos!

It's the EARLY BIRD SPECIAL all up in yo face. Like it. 

***

I am currently listening to Mozart, Requiem Mass in D Minor. So bossy. I heart classical music. #donthate

***

I have a GIFt for you (pun intended). 

LIGHT. IT. UP.

 
...and while you're at it. LISTEN TO THIS.
 
 
Fucking amazing way to kick off your Mondays. Amaze. Ing.
 
***
This week's agenda will be a little baby nugget becauuuuusssee....
 
The Dubes is blowing this popstand and heading out to tha West Siiiiiiiiide to visit with her fam, and see these three. <SIGH>
 
 
I'm going to eat their faces off. I cannot wait. <swoon> heart
 
I'm also THRILLED...because it's going to be SCORCHING. HOT (with an emphasis on the t).
 
Are you ready for this?!?!? ...Check it.
 
 

BOOYAH! 

Your head just exploded didn't it? NINETY mother fucking degrees...and then we "cool down," but let's be real, it's still warm as shit.
 
I'm wearing nothing but a bikini. The ENTIRE time. Gotta get bronzed, folks (with sunscreen, duh.) 
 
***
Okay. Time for action. Puff on this:
 

AGENDA OF THE WEEK

Tuesday: Shit gets serious. I talk the importance (and challenge) of SIMPLICITY in ALL ways. If we can do simple, we can do anything. Mark my words.

Wednesday: Mami's leaving Bunnies. Check INSTA and FB all day erryday for some sugar. 

Thursday: DELETE

Friday: DELETE

***

Before I say peace, smoke on this BOMB...

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

***

I'm done.

heartI love youheart

 XOXO

Some Treats

April 4, 2014

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Wuddup Sluts?!?

...Did that just make you really uncomfortable? It was naughty. But you know I love you, and I happen to (now not-so-secretly) love the word slut. 

Handle it, Homies. Handle it.

***

HERE I AM!

Selfie central all up in yo face! HIT IT.

Got my P.O.C. (pop of color) and my top knot.  What you don't see is that this 'do is reinforced with approximately 52935702759023509725702 clips in the back, necessary to hold up the mini hair not yet long enough to make it in the bun). This look, however, will be short-lived. I'm chopping this shit again soon. #Ilovemylob.

***

I have two special announcements today. 

The first involves NAILS. Duh.

NAKED NAILS.

I like them very much. I needed a blank canvas after having so much nail art the past few months. <sigh>.

***

The second announcement is THIS amazingness to the third power: 

I bought these for Ms. Rinaldi because mami loves her some Ryan Gosling...and, let's be real, who wouldn't want that face plastered all over their body?!? They were a huge hit - not just in the Pilates studio...Are you ready for this?

Ryan-fucking-Gosling re-grammed this photo. For realz. Be jealous. She's #onestepcloser.

***

I planned on talking about the importance of SIMPLICITY today, but I am going to delete that until next week. That shit's too serious for a Friday...

Instead I leave you with...

A kiss and friendly reminder to not be a pussy...

ANNNNNNNDDDDD...the reveal of...

STUDIO DE DUBIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boo-yah! Pilates all day erryday, Homies.

***

That's all I've got. 

heartPeacekiss

 XOXO

 

Dube es en La Cocina de nuevo!

April 1, 2014

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'Sup Hoes?!?

I hope you don't take offense. I mean that in the best way...Obvs.

***

If you aren't fluent in Spanish like me, the title of this post may have had you scratching your head. HOWEVER...don't you worry...I had full intention on translating - Duh. It means that...

I AM BACK IN THE KITCHEN AGAIN!

Holler.

Totally calls for the raising of, not one, but TWO spatulas.

TWO SPATULAS!

I've always had an interest in cooking. I find it therapeutic and rewarding...

...WHEN I HAVE THE TIME to plan and prepare.  I feel accomplished. I feel healthier...and let's be real, the food really does taste better because you know it's made with a shit ton of LOVE, Homies. Oh yeah. LOTS OF LOVE, baby.

Cooking was deleted from my life the busier I became, but now that I've made more room in my life to do things MY WAY, cooking is coming back into the picture. 

HALLELUJAH. NAMASTE.

Honey Buns is elated.

It might look like he's sleeping, but he's really lit up inside. It's hard to catch him with his eyes open these days. <wink wink> #HBfallsasleep is now a trending topic.

***

For realz...I made us the sickest dinner ever last night.

Not to toot my own horn (I would never do such a thing-<smirk>) but it was fucking delicious. Skin was perfectly crisp, meat was juicy, and seasoning was the bomb. Like, Thomas Keller would be proud-good...k, maybe that's a stretch, but you get the idea.

It involved organic chicken wings and thighs...WITH SKIN. It's all about the dark meat, people. That's where the flavor's at! 

Here's what happened:

Not only was it a piece of cake to make, I USED WHAT I ALREADY HAD.

Recipe: From Eat. Live. Paleo

2-2.5 lbs total of chicken wings / thighs

Marinade

3 garlic cloves, grated

Juice of 1 lemon (didn't have lime)

2 tbsp olive oil

1/2 tsp cayenne

sprinkle onion powder (added)

salt + pepper to taste

Step 1: Boil chicken for 8 minutes (in salted water)

Step 2: Drain, cool. (I put mine in a colander and stuck it in the fridge to expedite this process)

Step 3: Put marinade in large Ziplock bag.

Step 4: Put chicken in bag, seal, then spread marinade over chicken so it's coated evenly. 

Step 5: Marinade for at least 30 minutes (mine was marinating for about 2 hours).

Step 6: Preheat oven to 450. Arrange chicken on foil-lined pan, stick in oven for 30 minutes total. 

Step 7: Set timer to 20 minutes, then flip for a another 10.

Step 8: Take chicken out of oven. Cool for a few minutes, dig-the-fuck-in.

No utensils needed! 

***

For a side, in literally, seconds, I sauteed some greens in olive oil, then sprinkled with salt and peppah. BOOM. DONE.

***

TRES satisfying, Homies. TRÈS. MAKE SOME.

***

I'm outtie.

heartPeaceheart

 XOXO

Agenda of the Week

March 31, 2014

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Yo Suckas!

Wudduuuuuuuuuuppp?

...Like my enhanced AND filtered selfie? Obviously I think I look pretty good, otherwise I would not have shared it for all the world wide web to see. Duh. 

***

The sun is shining. The Dubes is happy = GREAT NEWS.

I am in DESPERATE need of a pedicure, so I'll keep this short, but sweet. Before I roll out the agenda of the week, check out the stupid...

I saw hearts when I eyeballed this $12 bunny puppet at the Whole Foods checkout. heart<swoon>heart...HB HAD to have it.

...That is correct. TWELVE DOLLARS. Worth every damn penny. P.S.: You will LIKE that shit on Insta if you know what's good for you. No pressure.

***

Moving on to THE GOODS. Get after 'em, homies. Tap THIS:

AGENDA OF THE WEEK

Tuesday: I am BACK IN THE KITCHEN, Yo! Check out this SIMPLE, healthy, Paleo, and hopefully, un-fucking-believable chicken recipe I whipped up for HB and I tonight. Not only does this mean MORE RECIPES for your cahones...it also means that the Dubes is CLEANING up her diet. I've decided that April is going to be 90% CLEAN and 10% dirty, folks. But no cleanse and no rules. Fuck that shit. This lady knows what her body needs. I figure I should get serious about my ABS and my ASS so I look like BABE when we go to Turks in May. (KH, l I hold you 50% responsible. Fail me and you're fired). I need the waist small and the booty BIG. #waistsmallbootybig

Wednesday: 50% DELETE possibility. I'm sorry, but I need to be honest. I don't lie Homies, you know that. If I do end up bringing it like a bawwwss, the topic of conversation will be off the cuff...I leave you in suspense...

Thursday: It's a DE-LETE! Womp Womp... I will not have an hour to breathe today. It's my last (finally!) working these batshit crazy hours. Have a shot of tequila for me. Thank you. Namaste.

Friday: Treat of the Week! Oh boy. We're digging DEEP-ish! I talk the importance of SIMPLIFYING...EVERYTHING You're going to want to pay the fuck attention to this.

***

Before I say peace...CHEW ON THIS...

BOOYAH, Eleanor. Booyah!

***

That's all I've got.

Later Skaters.

kissBesoskiss

 XOXO