Back to Bed

September 16, 2014

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Good Morning Slutbags.

heartI love youheart

...It's a very special morning over here...

For starters, take a look at my hair. It's  W  I   L  D ! ! ! 

I might be smiling on the outside, but I'm fucking hungover on the inside. 

Oy Vey.

Too much pink wine.

I had full intentions of being productive and exercising this morning, but aside from feeling like ass, THIS is happening out my window...

Yeah, so basically I don't want to get out of bed today. EVER. I'm actually IN BED as we speak. Here's the view from my "office"

I'm minutes away from doing the UNTHINKABLE...

Going back to mutha-fucking sleep, Yo.

HOLLA!

On a sunny normal day, I would suck it up and move, sweat bullets, get jacked up on coffee, and keep my day going, but not today. NOPE. Today I choose to be a sloth. In my jams. With my hot water bottle..and blankets. Lots of blankets. It's actually quite fabulous. I'm not fighting the feeling, people. And you shouldn't either.

Sure I have to teach later today/tonight, but for now, THIS is WHERE. IT'S. AT.

I'm out. Namaste Bitches.

kissMuah!kiss

 XOXO

Choose Wisely

September 11, 2014

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Yo Babies!

Hayyyyyyy-aaaaayyyyyyy!

...In case you were wondering, the eyeballs are doing wonderfully - I've been killing the shit on the reg - 4 stabs a day in each ball. 

Poof! Pink be gone, bitches!

***

Today I come here for one purpose and one purpose only, and that is to... 

BLOW your muthafuckin' MINDS, Son!!!!!!!!!

Hit on THIS:

YOU HAVE A CHOICE, Homies. Choose wisely. #Fact #truedat

***

I'm out. I love you.

Muah! kiss

 XOXO

THE LIST: August Babies.

September 9, 2014

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What's up Fuckers?

I hope you all had fabulous days. I do mean that sincerely...but now I'm going to talk about ME, because it is the Daily Dubie show after all...I am so annoying...LIKE IT.

My day was so awesome. I woke up with MOTHER FUCKING PINK EYE in not one, but TWO EYEBALLS. I want to kill myself. Nobody wants to be near me. I am a leper. 

<SIGH>

Look at the pretty...Not so easy on the eyes (pun intended).

I've been taking my meds like a champ, so hopefully it will clear up ASAP. Cross those dedos-that's "fingers" in Spanish in case you were wondering.

...Now <pause> to lighten the mood, look at my kewl new shirt .cheeky SO. KEWL.

...Now, as kewl as it is, I'd like to pledge right here right now, that this is THE END of me buying anymore tees like this. It's time to put an end to a good thing before it becomes a bad thing. Ya feel me? I need to put a sock in it for a while.

***

'Aight, besides the pink eye nast, I have some F-U-N  in store for tonight...

TAKE A RIP OUTTA THIS BLUNT, Suckas! ...

THINGS I heart AUGUST:

1). My Gracie Pie's birthday! August 1st, Babies! My youngest niece never ceases to amuse me. She's an explosive, feisty little peanut who never stops talking (EVER) or smiling. I want to eat her face off. Here are some recent pictures she demanded I take of her -- it must be noted that I gave NO DIRECTION whatsoever. This was all her. It's very special.

Grace also gave me PINK EYE. <insert: emoji with no mouth>.

2). Besos Pillowcases! How amazing are these?!? I got them for $30 small ones on Nasty Gal! Unfortch, they're no longer available...you snooze you lose.

3). Duet with Tela (Anderson) Tequila! KH and I got our asses handed to us! It was AMAZING. SO FUN! We're thigh stretching in the shot below. Holla.

4). Betting On Us, by Francis and The Lights. Listen Homies.

5). 2012 Vallin, Grenache wine. Discovered this one with Bobby D (aka my Pops) while dining at Charlie Bird. Loved it so much, I got bottles...and bottles...and bottles, baes.

6). Balenciaga Classic Moto Leather Jacket - in taupe, taupe baby. Ooomph. Sex. I need it.

7). LNA Clothing. I'm obsessed with this label. It's fantastic for high quality soft, basic tees, and layering pieces. GET SOME!

8). Podcasts! For non-stop learning...all day erryday! My fave is The Joe Rogan Experience. DOWNLOAD. LISTEN. LEARN. DROP THA KNOWLEDGE.

9). Neon Signs. I love the way they look. 

10). Stacked Earrings up the lobes. This is as close as I'll get to a tattoo. I'm thinking of getting shot up the ear just so I can rock a line of sick studs on my lobes. Très chic.

11). TheFatJewish on INSTA. OMG. OMG. OMG. My world is better with these guys in it.

12). ...And FuckJerry on INSTA. OMG. OMG. OMG. They keep me LOL-ing.

***

That's all I got, punks. I love you heartheartheart

XOXO,

I am sick and I have announcements.

September 2, 2014

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Hussies!!!

We need to talk.

Estoy un poco enfermo.

Sure I look pretty on the outside, but babies...shit's ugly on the inside. Lots of phlegm. Lots of boogers.

I hope it's not Ebola. I woke up with a mini sore throat yesterday, then wrote my health away when I got on a plane back to the NYC. I now feel like I am swallowing fire. Cough drops, vitamin C, and Pro-boost powder have all helped numb the pain. Let's hope this goes away real quick, before I cut a bitch.

***

Now <pause>...I have some things to say, so pay the fuck attention:

DAILY DUBIE 3.0:

The new design/artwork is done! I'm obsessed and can't wait for you to see it! She's in development now. Yeah, she's got a sick new look and fresh content coming your way, but it's not stopping there... Let me just say that soon, reading won't be the only means to get your Daily Dubie ganj. <wink wink>. New site is set to launch in OCTOBER, sons, but for now, I'm going to tease you because it's fun.

Indulge in these new sexy photos...

AN EYEBALL!!!!

Look. I am SO HAPPY!!!

***

Now, a quote to seal the deal...

BE A LION. I LOVE YOU. NAMASTE.

 XOXO

 

 

A Puff

August 26, 2014

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Hey Babies.

***

I have to get the fuck out of here, but I wanted to say HIIIIIIII and even if it's just a puff,  give you some dank Dubie kush. Something's better than nothing, yes? 

***

Smoke on this...

If you want to change anything about your life, you need to quit obsessing over shit you have no control over. It's fucking hard, and sometimes we can't help ourselves, but by just becoming AWARE of when we do it, we will start to live more in the PRESENT, and like magic, our lives will become more amazing. This shit's for real. 

NOW IS ALL WE HAVE.

You understand? I repeat...

NOW IS ALL WE FUCKING HAVE.

RECONGIZE THIS, Babies.

I LOVE YOU. Your are all PHENOMENAL HUMANS.

***

kissBesos kiss

 XOXO

I AM WEIRD

August 21, 2014

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Hey Babes. 'Sup?

I AM BACK!!!

...and I have a swoop. They're not bangs. Let me be clear: NOT BANGS. They're just layers, mofos. And I am obsessed with them because I NEVER need to blow dry my hair. It's the most fabulous thing on earth <sigh of the cross>.

...and here I am throwing up some some peace signs to annoy the fuck out of you.

You're welcome.

***

I'm about to

BLOW. YOUR. MIND.

Since I haven't had an iota of structure with the Dubes this Summer, I thought I'd continue down that path and talk about myself.

So <pause> without further ado, I give you...

5 Things You'd Be Surprised to Know About Me:

1). Jolly Ranchers are dead to me...unless they're cinnamon flavored. Chocolate is what bosses eat. I AM A BOSS.

2). I have freakishly long arms. You might not be able to tell because a normal person isn't standing next to me, but trust when I say they're long as shit.

3). I have a freakishly high belly button. Like, a good 3-4" higher than your average.

Normal person's belly button is about here:

My belly button is here:

For real. It's on it's way up to my boobs. So what.

4). I can't shuffle cards. This probably surprises NO ONE.

5). I scribble my name on the shower door EVERY TIME I SHOWER. I think I'm practicing for all of those autographs I'll have to sign soon when I am Beyonce famous and have a legit excuse to wear sunglasses EVERYWHERE.

***

Advice of the day:

...and if you don't know what the fuck that means (like me until I got schooled by HB yesterday)...then read on, Babies...

***

heartThat's all I got. I love you. Namasteheart

 XOXO

 

Hi!

August 12, 2014

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Hi Hookers!

...isn't hookers a fabulous word? I love it. I hope you do too...

** 

How you doin'? How you feelin'?

...Fabulous, I hope! ...and if not fabulous, the Dubie ganj is sure to make things better. Obvs.

***

Today I have announcements. smiley

YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH BUDDY!

Ready?

Here. We. Go...

1). I was summoned for jury duty yesterday. <sigh> In a nutshell, I sat next to weird people in comfortable chairs with shitty wifi. After six hours, I BECAME A FREE WOMAN!!! Woot! What did I do to celebrate? I WORKED THE FUCK OUT and it felt so good. I also drew you a picture before I chucked this baby into the shredder.

That's wussup.

2). I went dark. I'm obsessed. It's either black or white these days. Color is Essie Partner In Crime. I'm saving lives one manicure at  a time. #quoteme Like, really. I am.

3). SPOTTED on the 6! Someone who loves boobies! ...and so do I, which is why I went stealth and snapped a pic for your eyeballs. He had no idea. I'm that good.

4). I HAVE A ZIT. Eyemuffs, please! Thank you.

5). The new Daily Dubie logo is complete! She's so pretty! ...But you can't see her...yet (emphasis on the t). Patience, my people. I will tell you that she's all grown up. Less is more for Daily Dubie 3.0. Interpret that however you like <wink wink>.

***

Now. <pause> Your quote.

Let it BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT.

LEAD, Babies...and empower others to do the same! 

***

We're done here. I love you.

MUAH! kiss

 XOXO

COOKIE TIME!!!!

August 7, 2014

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Babies. I got somethin' real good today. Real fuckin' good...

I got COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!

Haaaaayyyaaaaayyyyyy. Get off your loser diet and bake yourself a batch of these bad boys.

In their defense...they're filled with good-for-you shit, made with HQ ingredients that only bosses (like us) use.

MAKE SOME. BAKE SOME. EAT SOME.

The Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie

Bake at 350 for 12-15 minutes.

So Baller.

***

That's all I got today. Muchos Besos Grandes! 

kisskisskiss,

 XOXO