Paleo Pancakes, Yo

June 10, 2014

Tags:

Well well well...

Look who decided to post in the wee hours of the am.

MOI! (see...that French is slipping in. I can't help my fluent self).

Good morning! Good morning!...

I thought you might want some pancakes.

Who doesn't fucking love pancakes?!?

But these won't make you feel like a house after eating, after all they're PAAALLLEEEEOOOO, yo. 

Check it:

Nom nom.

We're done here...

kissBESOS GRANDESkiss

 XOXO

She’s Baaaaaack!

June 9, 2014

Tags:

Wuddup My Muthafuckas?!? ...

<Sigh>

It's been WAY. TOO. LONG. since...

#1. I've Daily Dubie'd. Duh. #Dubewasonvacay

AND

#2. I let some fucks and shits loose. 

So, if you would, just give me a moment...

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fucker fucking shit damn bitch boobs ass ho boobs.

Isn't boobs a fabulous word? I like boobs.

Ahhhhh...Okay, now NOW I can begin. ...But where the fuck to begin is the question!

So much has happened since we last spoke. For you losers who failed to follow my shit on INSTA, you missed a good show. More often than not, it involved me, in my bikini, on the beach, with alcohol, doing some Pilates...And, obviously, HB made some cameos (pun intended) <wink wink>. 

Of course, we had THE BEST TRIP EVER! If you can stand it, check out these photos documenting some of the shenanigans that went down.

ANGUILLA.

 

ST. BARTH'S

I also read three books...

1). What Remains, by Carole Radziwill. Beautifully written. I'd like to think she wrote this book and not a "ghost-writer," as alleged by that nutjob Aviva. <Sigh>

2). The Corsican Caper, by Peter Mayle. I thought this would be a juicy, mindless beach read, but it was sorta a snooze if I'm going to be honest - very predictable. Thank god it was a nugget (less than 200 pgs).

3). Insatiable Porn --- A Love Story, by Asa Akira. This is TOTAL EARMUFFS material, but fascinating. I love reading about people and their lives, and the fact that this young and hugely successful porn star loves every waking moment about what she does proved all the more enticing. It's SCANDAL to the fourth power, but if you're naughty, you'll like it. <wink wink>.

...Then I became a world-renowned artist...

...and it just so happened that after spending four days in St. Barth's, I am now totally fluent in French. TOTALLY.

No big deal. I'm brushing dirt off my shoulders, yo.

**

Suffice to say, coming home was so painful in so many ways...

For starters, I feel ENORMOUS. 

I AM A SAUS-IGE.

No really. I am. I should only consume kale with lemon for the next 10 days, but we all know that won't happen. Only idiots do stupid shit like that. I am no idiot. 

I did, however, hook us up with a PILE OF HEALTH first thing Sunday morning. Check it.

BOOM. That's how I do.

...Although, I should let it be known that despite feeling muy largo, I still feel like a sexy bitch.

What. The. Fuck.

Who cringed? I did! I did!  But it's the truth, sons. Take it or leave it. 

...I mean, I would rather chew rocks than slip into a bikini that rides up my gigantic ass and take 9,000 selfies, but that vacation was WORTH IT ALL...and you know I'm going to fuck some shit up now that I'm back in the game. Obvs.

**

So, yeah, I came home with a few more pounds, but I also came home to a few amazing pieces of mail...

HOLY PACKAGES!

Christmas came early for the Constantiners, and it only seems appropriate to share some of the contents...

Some fabulous new pillows...

I mean...if that isn't the lamest, cutest thing ever..............................and then we have this special...

 

Yeah, baby. Good things WILL happen. ALWAYS. 

**

And finally..I'll seal the deal with this FUCK storm

So inappropriately appropriate. I LOVE IT. I LOVE YOU.

I'll be back this week with some more naughty fun. Stay tuned.

heartPEACE. BESOS.heart

 XOXO

 

Psst. Almost forgot to drop a bomb of knowledge. Here it is. Let it BLOW YOUR MIND.

Dubie’s On VACAY!

May 30, 2014

Tags:

...Almost!...

'Sup Baes!?!? ("bays") #newnicknamealert

I was just informed that this is what all the cool kids are saying these days, and obviously, I AM THE DEFINITION OF COOL, so I stole that shit out from under their pubescent feet...'Cuz Homies know I can do it so much better than they can.

<Sigh>

***

...And now...<pause>...some more selfies for your ojos bonitos. GET 'EM!

ENTER: SUNGLASSES...haaaaaayyyyaaaaaaayyyyy

ENTER: HAT. tres tres chic

ENTER: BIKINI tres tres sexual!

Now, don't lie. These very thoughts are totally going through your mind right now...

"Cool, but why is she wearing this shit?"

..."and why the fuck do I care?"

I'll tell you why...

1). H-to-the-B Sauce and I are GOING ON VACATION, MUTHAFUCKAS!!!

Yeeaaaaaahhhhh thas right. For a WHOLE WEEK. SEVEN DAYS. SEVEN NIGHTS. ANGUILLA. ST.BARTHS. BEACH. BESOS. SUN. SLEEP.

No sightseeing. No people buzzing in my ear. No timeline.

Just. Us. 

Namaste.

2). You should fucking care because this affects your Dubie Delivery. Obviously I will not be blogging while away, so if you want some ganj, follow me on INSTA. You know I'll rip things up.

***

Before I say peace...I have some words....

Check out my Tumblr site from time-to-time. It's pretty fabulous. I post more frequently because it's not text, it's all picture and video. This I will be updating while away. HOLLA.

Daily Dubie 3.0 is on it's way! She's getting a sick new look. GET EXCITED!

Be naughty.

***

heartI LOVE YOUheart

 XOXO

Feliz Cumpleanos a H-to-the-Bunny!!!

May 22, 2014

Tags:

Y'all...

Hi there.

***

Check out the two plates of health I've had the last two meals. HB is obviously to blame for this delicious mess.

Shake Shack

Donuts

It's a good thing I'm about to sweat bullets in today's WOD. #namaste Need to burn this shit off immediately.

***

Now <pause> I typically don't do birthday shoutouts, but HB gets one. Oh yes he sure does...

HB as a babe...

HB Loves Burgers...

HB Loves Beer Thrones...

HB Loves Mixing Prints...

HB Loves his beard...and when I take photos of him

HB Loves falling asleep....on the couch

...and at people's houses

...and at restaurants...

...and on buses

...and sometimes...sometimes he makes it into bed. heart

#HASHTAG #HBFALLSASLEEP USE IT. It's a trending topic. Obvs.

...HB also LOVES MEEEEEE!!! DUH!!! His pesty little wifey sauce.

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING, HONEY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Honey Bunny Pie Love of My Life Forever and Ever!!! FINALLY...you've caught up to your wife. It's about time. #irobbedthecradle.

***

 XOXO

If you want to get healthy, get happy bitches.

May 20, 2014

Tags:

BUENOS DIAS VATOS BONITOS! 

'Sup over there?

...Today was a dreamy one for the Dubes. A dreamy one for many reasons, some of which include the following...

1). I did Pilates and I did it well

Boom. Check out my swan dive.

2). I sweat my balls off in hot yoga (no photo).

3). It's a STUNNER day here in tha NYC.

I've already walked 7,113 steps (but who's counting?) while listening to some new ghetto-ass music that lights me up inside. It's fabulous.

PRESS PLAY

4). I showered, blow-dried and...are you ready?!...Straightened my hair! #win

5). I get to teach my most favorite class tonight.

It's gonna be a BIG, BAD PARTY in Advanced mat class. HOLLER. You should come if you know what the fuck you're doing. Otherwise, please refrain. 

6). I am slow-cooking 4.5 pounds of pork shoulder.

Hell to the yes.

7. I am talking to all of your EYEBALLS = Happiness.

***

K. Let's talk business. HIT IT.

My Absolute Number One Tip To Good Health is....

To get happy. I mean really happy on the inside.

Love yourself. Love what you do. Love the people you spend time with.

This probably sounds super cliché and cheesy, but it is the damn truth. In health coaching and even in teaching Pilates, I find that most people attempt to fix their problems backwards. They start on the outside, instead of the inside. For example, they believe that if they exercise and "eat well,"(which is usually an unhealthy obsession) they'll lose weight, be more attractive and then all of life's problems will magically disappear and they'll be happier. This is totally true to an extent, but on the flip side, I've seen people who, on the outside, seem to have their shit together, but on the inside are extremely unhappy. 

Bottom line, people implement superficial change, because it's easier. It takes big balls to face truth, especially truth about oneself. It is often painful and always uncomfortable. But we sorta HAVE to go there if we really want to make good, long-lasting change. 

How we feel about ourselves is the root of our happiness and our health.

It is not about other people. It never is. It is only ever about ourselves. Mark my words. The choices we make and the actions we take all reflect this.

So, you want to get healthy? GET HAPPY. Start on the inside, not on the outside.

***

BOSS. I'm out. 

kissMuahkiss

 XOXO

 

 

 

This week: She’s short, but she’s hot.

May 19, 2014

Tags:

'Sup Sons?

Haaayyyyaaayyyyy.

Stopped at Juice Generation post-teaching people how to use their deep core muscles to stabilize their pelvis and move with control - a.k.a. Pilates.

...For the record, that's a Peanut Butter Split with almond milk and spinach. It's fucking phenomenal. A peanut butter cup in liquid form. Yeeeaaahhhh buddy! Delicious is what that is. Delicious with a capital D.

...and now, here's me and a sweet rip roaring vein bulging out of my forehead. Super pretty. 

...annnnnnnnd I have a confession. I caved and bought some peanut butter M&Ms. #naughtydubie

...and by "some." I mean....THE 38 OZ. PARTY SIZE, BABY!!!! You know that other 11 oz. shit don't last. 

Obviously, I had to go big, but what else is new? ...Now THIS is the golden ticket to a bikini body if I've ever seen one. <sigh>

That's a lie, but I know you're all on board with this. Get on board or get the fuck out.

**

A VERY important birthday is coming up this Thursday!!!!!!! Birthday napkins are in full effect. Now GUESS WHO'S!?!?!

HBunny's!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at that hunk. Dayyyyuuummmm Gina. Break me off a piece of that.

I have to say. He gets more handsome with age. I think you would agree. Look at him on his 21st birthday ten years ago...

...And who's that ho with him?!?

That's no ho, yo...that's me! I know. Shocking. I look completely different. I am unrecognizable. <wink wink>.

***

While we're on the subject of my sweet husband, he did something very bad this weekend. Brace yourself for what's about to go down...I mean REALLY brace yourself.

Ready? HIT IT!

***EARMUFF ALERT! ***EARMUFF ALERT! ***EARMUFF ALERT! ***EARMUFF ALERT! 

Mother fucking shit cunt ass bitch boobs balls slut ho douche twat. And that's all I have to say about that. Period. 

Wait. No it's not. I'd also like to say that even Celine and Louis Vuitton won't change my mind about this look. It's not okay. IT WILL NEVER BE OKAY.

<Sigh> I've said my peace. 

***

MINI BABY NUGGET AGENDA

Tuesday: MY ABSOLUTE NUMBER ONE ULTIMATE tip to good health is...I mean...I wasn't going to tell you yet. Duh. Tune-in tomorrow to see what it is. 

Wednesday: If you're lucky I'll have a new pair of fancy pants for you to feast on. Take a puff of Dubie a la INSTA

Thursday: HAPPY BIRTHDAY HB!!!!!!!!!!!! Annnnnd...I'll tell you 3 more things you might be surprised to know about me.

Friday: We're off to the Hamptonites. Check INSTA and ISH4P for some sick updates (and signature selfies). DO IT. DO IT. DO IT.

***

Now, here's your bomb of knowledge...Let it BLOW. YOUR. MIND. Then DO something with it. 

heartBOOYAH. PEACE. LOVE. NAMASTE.heart

 XOXO

 

 

What the Fuck is Gluten?

May 15, 2014

Tags:

Ey Vatos!

Que Pasa?

Today is a good day. We talk gluten. You'll learn a thing or two. But before that, I have some special to unload...

BREAK IT OFF, SUCKAS...

-SELFIE CENTRAL-

...It's a good thing I am having the most amazing hair day. <sigh>

Prettier, Tiffany-ish pose. 

Naked, short nails. Trés trés chic. 

My obscene, highly unnecessary, sinful collection of bathing suits. Just deleted a dozen...to secretly make room for more. I have a problem. I am aware.

Breakfast today: Coconut milk + cocoa powder + coconut flour + agave + chia seeds + cacao nibs + almonds + berries = GANGSTARLISH.

...And finally...BOOM! Another explosion of BIG, BEAUTIFUL Peonies. Ughhh - this makes me so very happy. P.S.: Peony Tip: Go for the bunches that are not yet bloomed. They'll last longer. Trim stems and put in lukewarm water, then watch that shit open, literally, within hours. 

HOLLA!

We're done here. 

***

That was a bag of fun, but now it's time to get shit straight. 

WHAT THE FUCK IS GLUTEN?

Gluten is a very familiar word to almost everyone on this planet. For most, it has a negative connotation and is believed to be something us humans should avoid in name of our health, which is partially true, depending on how you look at it. But the best thing about all of this is that most people don't even know what the fuck it is. 

Watch Jimmy prove it...

 
HAAAAAAAAAAAA!
 
Now, let's establish some facts about gluten so you are no longer in the dark, and if asked, you won't sound like imbecile. 
 
1). It is a "glue-like" protein found in wheat, barley, rye. It basically gives grains their shape and chewy consistency. 
2). For people who are celiacs (a genetic intolerance to the protein), avoiding gluten is essential to their health. For them, eating gluten triggers an immune reaction that damages their small intestine and prevents them from absorbing nutrients. Gluten makes them sick.
 
For the rest of us, it's not a bad idea to avoid gluten.

Why you wonder....?

Because...
 
A). Gluten is often added-to to processed, packaged foods and imitation meats which ARE terrible for you and should AWLAYS be avoided.
B). Gluten is in wheat, and wheat is in foods that are just unhealthy by nature like: pizza, pasta, burgers, sandwiches, etc. 
C). Grains and sugars are pro-inflammatory and will create and exacerbate conditions that have inflammation at the root, like...
  • Nausea, diarrhea, constipation, abdominal pain
  • Fatigue
  • Osteoporosis
  • IBS – irritable bowel syndrome
  • Rheumatoid arthritis
  • Autoimmune diseases such as MS, lupus
  • Anemia
  • Infertility
  • Depression
  • Migraines
  • Overweight
  • High blood pressure
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Cancer

With that said, it's not going to kill you to indulge occasionally, just don't make it a habit. 

THE GOOD NEWS:

French fries and tortilla chips are naturally gluten-free. Potatoes and corn naturally do not contain gluten (unless they're cross-contaminated). 

...YEAAAAAHHHH BUDDY...

Sources: Wikipedia, jimmykimmellive, jecoaching.com 

***

That's a WRAP.

kissPeace. Love. Namastekiss

 XOXO

Confidence Trumps Competence

May 13, 2014

Tags:

YO.

Que pasa Muñecas?

Ocean sounds are ON. I'm ready for you. Are you ready for me? ...

**

I'll start with some signature selfies...GET 'EM.

Haaaayyyy-aaaaayyyyy

Pants du jour...

Holler.

And now <pause> I have some special heading your way. Are you ready?...Get ready...

**

I totally took a picture of my ass. #eyemuffs

I am cringing inside, but I also really want to show it to you because it looks sorta fabulous, let's be real....and I work fucking hard on it! - engaging my glutes all day erryday, baby.

Check it:

BAM!

What just happened?!? ...Dubie selfied her ass, that's what.

There ain't no shame in my game, ninjas...

For the record, I am actively working on getting it juicier. Obvs. Can't get enough of the #bigbootyhoe #glutemedius. Ya hear?

Thought so. <wink wink>

**

Let's move on. 

...That whole bit I just shocked your eyeballs with actually segues beautifully into what I'd like to discuss today.

CONFIDENCE.

I recently read a fantastic article (that you should ALL read) in The Atlantic entitled The Confidence Gap. In a nutshell, it talks about how you cannot succeed on competence alone, it is confidence in oneself that is the real game-changer. You must have confidence in order to continue to succeed. It does a lot of comparing between men and women, finding that women are generally less-assured than men, which is what ultimately stunts their success in the workplace. But I'm not going to go there. If you want to go there, read the article - it's great. What I want to talk about is this idea IN GENERAL and how it is so absolutely true.

I'll take myself for example. I have confidence. A lot of it. I believe in myself. I trust myself. I know that I can always be better; that I can always do better, and that there is no end to better. It is a constant, but welcome struggle. Confidence doesn't just mean recognizing the fact that you're fucking amazing, it also means that you know you can be MORE amazing and you TAKE ACTION to get there.

When I first started to teach, I was terrified and always worried about fucking up, and whether or not clients would like me or my class. I was not yet confident in my teaching skills, and you could smell it. People pick up on insecurity immediately and it's a big turnoff. When someone is insecure it tells us one thing...

They don't trust themselves, so why should we?!

I caught on to this fast. Naturally the more experience I had teaching, the more confident I became and the better I taught. But it wasn't so much about how I structured the class or the choreography (competence), it was about the DELIVERY; how I came across. Now, after teaching a little more than a year, I admit, those garbage thoughts still haunt me from time to time, but I now know this little trick called "fake it 'til you make it," baby. Even if you mess up, or flub a little, if you don't get in your head and stay confident in yourself, it's SUCCESS! 

The bottom line is that people who are confident in themselves are people who take risks, are not afraid of failure, and are open and honest about what they want and who they are.

Failure and perseverance are ESSENTIAL to confidence building.

Do you welcome failure or fear failure? ...It's time to get scared, Suckas. I'll leave you with that.

BOOYAH.

heartWe're done here. I love you.heart

 XOXO