TREATS

March 7, 2014

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YO Homies. 

'Sup?

<SIGH>

...So what the fuck happened to the Dubie this week?!?!

I'll break it down for you:

I've been working like a mad woman. 

I'm short on sleep = I'm burnt toast = I'm a capital C-R-A-B crab.

You should also be very well aware that I am on my dot. I'm sure you love knowing about my menstrual cycle (bytheway menstrual is a TERRIBLE word. HATE), especially all my boyyyz. <SIGH> I make no apologies. The Dubes tells all. Take it or leave. I am a woman. I have a vagina and it bleeds every month when little Mikey's and little Laura's aren't created. 

So, you see, it should go without saying that I have been in a very special, highly-emo state. I think every day this week I've cried at least once or have been on the verge of tears. Wah wahhhh. I've been a total head case. So, aside from the fact that I haven't really had the time that I'd like to dedicate an HQ post for your eyeballs, my mind hasn't been in the right space to deliver the YOLO SWAG BADASS GANGSTER SHIT you all look forward to.

***

BUT...

HERE. I. AM!!!!!!!

Getting all jacked up on coffee-(thanks Bunny!), listening to Mariah Carey (oh yeah), and talking to all of YOU, my beautiful Muñecas. The cabeza is in a much better place now, as I sit here typing from BED. Fuck yeah. BED. AMAZEBALLS times infinity.

***

So, what should we talk about now that the air is cleared? I think I'll give you five more little nuggets of surprise about yours truly. Deal? Cool.

HIT IT.

UNO: I shave my arms. WHAT?!?!? Yes. I shave my arms. I've shaved them since high school. All the cheerleaders were doing it, and I (obviously) succumbed to peer pressure, and deleted my blonde fuzz. And for those wondering, it still grows back blonde and fuzzy (not black and stubbly).

DOS: I dislike fruity gum because I'm convinced it GIVES you bad breath. It's fantastic for the first three seconds, then BOOM, the sugar dissolves and it's nothing but a flavorless piece of putty, and we're left with 10 calories and stank breath. Gross. Delete.

TRES: I've never watched Star Wars. (Cookie!!!) <Gasp!> In my defense I've seen PARTS, but NEVER, EVER the entire movie.

CUATRO: I will NOT go down water slides. Used to love them, until I flew off of one when I was seven and split my eyebrow open. Blood was everywhere. Gushing. If I never see a waterslide again, I have lived a good life. For starters my enormous ass would most likely not fit on the damn thing, and let's be real, it's a 100% guarantee that you end up topless with a ferocious camel toe and wedgie. DELETE.

CINCO: I LOVE the smell of browning garlic and onion. OMG. BEST. EVER. So delicious. It reminds me of my Mama making her spaghetti sauce. Also the BEST EVER.

***

heartThat's all I got. I love you to the moon and back.heart

WAIT!!!!!

Listen to this first. A little MC and Bone Thugs = Happiness. #alwaysbemybaby 

 

kissMUAH!kiss

 

P.S.: For those of you losers who don't yet LIKE the DD on Facebook, here are some courtesy selfies you missed this week:

New threads.

Nails

WUSSUP this week.

March 3, 2014

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Y'all.

MARCH IS IN...

THA MOTHER FUCKING BUILDING!

HAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!

The only thing you need to know about this month, is that it's BIRTHDAY DE DUBIE.

MARCH 19th.

Don't forget. <wink wink>

In honor of the occasion, here are some bright, colorful, sexual photos that involve what I think of when I think of birthdays: sprinkles, sex and frosting. Boom. Doesn't get much better than that.

Check it:

Rainbow sprinkles on lips. HOT.

Rainbow sprinkles on donuts. YUM.

Rainbow sprinkles on some BUTTERCREAM frosting. Holy shit.

...And finally, yet again, we have some rainbow sprinkles that are in the shape of HEARTS. Sweetness.

I think it's safe to say I have a thing for rainbow sprinkles. A HUGE thing.

<SIGH>

Now that important piece of information and exciting eye candy is behind us, let's talk announcements. I've got bunches. Rip into 'em Homies...

***

Uno: Went to Dallas for a wedding this weekend (congrats Tomes and Whitney!). Had loads of tequila, chips & guac, wine and, duh, FUN! 

...and finally a personal favorite: HB and I DELETING Bon Jovi. HaTe (with am emphasis on the T).

***

Thankfully, we moved our flight to an earlier time to beat crazy storm "Titan." And boy was he fierce...gave us a whopping mayyyyyyybe 1/2" light dusting of snow. <SIGH> I will say that, in all seriousness, it was fantastic to get home, organize, unwind and namaste. Woot.

***

Dos: Check out my new hat I'll be wearing like a G, loud and proud. FAN-bloody-TASTIC is what that is. 

***

A'ight. Announcements are over.

Come see WUSSUP this week, Suckas!

Tuesday: Oh boy. Today's gonna be FUN STUFF. Tune those eyeballs in to find out five more things you'd be surprised to know about me. DO NOT miss this. DO NOT.

Wednesday: It's a WILDCARD, folks. That means that I don't yet know what I want to write about, so depending on what's happening with me Wednesday, I'll decide in the moment, en la momento, à ce moment. It'll be off the cuff. Good shit always comes from that. Get excited.

Thursday: THERE WILL NOT BE A POST, rather a TBT...mayyyybe. Tune into INSTA to see if I give good photo.

Friday: Treat! Treat! Treat! Treat! Treat! Treat! Treat! Treat! Treat! Treat!

***

ANNNNNDDD...

heartBOOM! We're done. Just like that! I love you.heart

kissMUAH! kiss

 XOXO

Peace February. Here’s What I Loved About You…

February 27, 2014

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Yo. Ojos de mi vida... 

Was that too close? ...That was too close. Here. Try this...

Haaayyyy-aaaayyyyyy. Another posey selfie for your eyeballs, and the mouth is always open. I've done my fair share of experimenting and mouth-open = obvious exaggeration. Mouth closed, but smiling = forced and lame, like I'm posing for a high school yearbook photo = DELETE. But, let's face it, ALL SELFIES are pretty stupid.

***

How you doin'?

It's cold as balls. Now that March is in, like, one day, I'm ready for this frozen nonsense to be over. Winter needs to be stabbed. I'm ready to sweat. HARD.

BRING ON THE HEAT New York!!!

Bring on the heat...

***

Now <short pause>...Are you ready to have some capital F-to-the-U-N FUN!?!?

I sure am. TAKE A RIP, Homies. a FAT ONE...

***

heartTHINGS I LOVED IN FEBRUARYheart

1). Furry mittens. These make me very happy. They're so sweet, and cozy, and chic...and (more importantly) I can text and do shit on my phone. #win

 

2). Strathcona Mary Jane stockings...because I. AM. DUBIE.

3). Buxom lipgloss pumper. It tastes good. It looks good. Get some.

4). Rainbow lensed aviators. They're too cool. Need to get me some for Summah! Woot!

5). Valentino studded neon pumps. THEY ARE SEX. 'Nuff said.

6). Cappello pasta. Gluten and Grain-free pasta that's actually AMAZING!!! It's FRESH pasta, too, so you can order a bunch and freeze what you don't use right away. I've been addicted since getting it. Check it. This is a gnocchi dish I made in a hot second! (pasta only takes a minute or two to cook!). That's some #gangsternation shit right there.

7). Fringed handbags. Obsessed with Barbara Bonner bags.

8). Rose Champagne. Duh. Because It's delicious and nutritious. Had about 47 glasses on Valentine's Day, because that's how I roll. 

9). Reka Nyari PhotographyReally cool. Want the pussy. HA. Brilliant.

 

10). Mara Hoffman beachwearLUHHHHHVVVV.

11). HUF socks

12). Bogota Restaurant in Park Slope. YUM! So fucking good. I highly recommend the arepa with only butter. Holy cow. AMAZE.

13). Tulips = Happiness.

14). Olympics. People doing incredible things with their bodies = Muy inspiring! 

15). In-Q poetry. This guy's good! Watch Homies.

16). Mykki Blanco. Angggry Birdz and Wavvy. SO hood. I love it. 

17). Buenos Dias! Pillowcases...HAD to have them. DUH.

18). Birthday de KH! The Dubes made it rain.

***

HOLLA.

That's all I've got, Playas.

kissMuahkiss

XOXO,

 

I am a novice

February 25, 2014

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Yo Lovers. 'Sup?

I'd like to preface this post by saying that I am in a very special mood. I like to call it "fragile."

Translation: I'm about to start my fucking period, so I am exceptionally sensitive and highly emo. My hyper-awareness of this fact helps me not go completely batshit crazy bitch on people, (although I do come close at times) which leads me into this AMAZING quote I read this morning...

Chew on this, Gangstas:

#WORD_pause_UP 

Being AWARE is the first step we can take toward making any sort of positive change. Know this. 

***

Today my plan was to tell you about my favorite things this month, but I am deleting that idea. Big gigantic red circle with a diagonal sliced across middle. DELETE.

...Don't worry, though. You'll get my February Favorites on Thursday, instead. Swear.

***

Today I'd like to reflect on the "shitty" Crossfit workout I had yesterday.

I'll start by saying that I really love Crossfit. It's like nothing I've ever done before. My strength has improved exponentially since beginning just two measly months ago. I've never felt stronger and more confident. It not only challenges me physically, but it has proven to challenge me psychologically as well, which I love and hate all at the same time. Keeps me on my toes. Keeps me growing. Keeps me changing.

It is our mind that makes or breaks us, not so much our physical strength. When push comes to shove, it's HOW we think about things that will either get us to where we want to be or not. 

...Yesterday. My mind got me to a pissed-off place. A bad place. Instead of focusing on doing MY BEST, I was obsessing over the fact that I didn't add enough weight to my barbell. I was comparing myself to other people in the class who smoked me and lifted heavier weights. I forgot about the fact that...

1). I have only been doing this for two months.

2). Comparing myself to others gets me nowhere.

3). I AM A NOVICE.

Credit and thanks are due to my KH. She pulled my head out of my ass (it was pretty far up there) and put things into perspective for me, like a G. So simple, yet so true. Check it:

Perfect form. Best you can all the time. Stay safe. Get strong. 

HOLLLLLLAAAAAA!

#wordstoliveby #namaste

***

...So I totally thought I was on my way to becoming a professional athlete. <insert emoji with no mouth>. Never say never, but let's be real, that's not going to happen anytime soon. It might though. It might <wink wink>.

I now realize that I need to own and embrace the the fact that I AM A BEGINNER. I am still an itty bitty little nugget of a Crossfit novice, and that's okay. I have all the time in the world to kick everyone else's ass, but the only way I'll get there is by continuing to kick my own ass, and honor where my body is RIGHT NOW.

Boom. I've said my peace.

***

Namaste Ninjas.

kissMuahkiss

 XOXO

Sneak Peek SUNDAY!

February 23, 2014

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'Sup Playas?

*cringe-worthy selfie alert*

Betcha didn't see this one coming. A POST...

...ON A SUNDAY!!!

...UN-fucking-Believable, if I say so myself...And a LATE NIGHT one at that. Holy cow.

***

So, here's the scoop.

I deleted Friday's post because I didn't have a good, quality moment to spare you, and tomorrow doesn't look very promising either bunnies <SIGH> (gotta take care of some bidness). Suffice to say, my life just could NOT go on without giving some good Dubie <pause>...and so I thought "NOW. I can do it NOW!" Woot. ...I'm also feeling particularly chatty, so we're in good shape here.

***

Announcements. I have three. Hit 'em up like your life depends on it.

Uno: Donuts.

The phone has some new threads. I'm channeling the fat-kid inside me. When I was young, I would DESTROY 3-5 donuts in one sitting..on the reg, thanks to Bobby D's routine weekend runs. <sigh>. Favorites included:

Cake with Vanilla Frosting and Rainbow sprinkles. The ball kind. MUST be the ball kind.

Old-fashioned glazed

Chocolate twists

Glazed swimming in cinnamon sugar crumbles

Okay. Now I want a donut. 

**

Dos: Eggs. Not just any eggs...THESE eggs.

...So I bought SIX 18 oz. bags two months before Easter. <insert emoji with no mouth>. The good news is that I have not torn into ANY yet...Don't you worry. I'll let you know when that happens. Obvs.

**

Tres: Quote ...cuz knowledge like THIS needs to be dropped. #endofstory #truth 

 

***

Oki doke. Time to hit tha schedge.

Monday: DELETE. Tonight's post is in lieu of tomorrow's.

Tuesday: Ooooh ShiiiiiaaatIt's time. Party in the fuckin' U.S.of A. Come see what My favorite things were in FEBRUARY...because, guess what, we're just three days away from March!-what the eff. Really it's more like 2.5 days, but only third graders are that specific...third graders and myself, apparently.  <SIGH>.

Wednesday: Probably won't post today Ninja nuggets. Jus saying...The schedge is jammed. If I give any ganja at all...it will most likely be via INSTA or FB. So check it. Follow it. Like it. Love it.

Thursday: I plan on posting TODAY! Holler. But you get no preview. I'm keeping your balls-eye, that is-in the dark. Suspense is sexy. 

Friday: DELETE. The Honey Buns and I are off to Tejas for a wedding! Weeeee! Maybe I'll post fancy selfies if I look really pretty in them.

***

We're done.

I LOVE YOU. YOLO. 

XOXO,

What’s Healthy. What Isn’t.

February 20, 2014

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'Sup Luvah Luvahs!

Sur-fucking-prise!!!

For those of you who do not yet "like" the Dubes on Facebook...

Number One: Get with the fucking program and like that shit.

Number Two: I posted a photo of me, my new nails and a caption explaining that I was not able to bring you dubie yesterday...One of the (MANY) perks of "liking" the page. <SIGH> That's right. You get hooked up with exclusive pictures and what not that I do not post on the blog. It's very special.

***

Now. <pause> before we move on to the BIG TALK on what's healthy and what isn't, here are two more selfies of me showing off my new nails, because one just doesn't cut it. The last two designs were a DELETE BUST, so I am très proud of these. Very happy with my decision. Super chic. 

***

Okay. One more thing worth mentioning...

I Crossfitted yesterday and did my most difficult WOD thus far...Here is what happened:

5 Rounds for Time of:

10 burpees

20 Kettlebell swings 

10 burpees

*2 minute rest in between each set.

OOMPH. Doesn't look that bad on paper, but holy mofo, was it a gasser. I wanted to vom post-workout. Took me 15 minutes of vegetation before I was able to collect myself and my belongings and haul my ass back to the city. It was HATE and LOVE all rolled into one. Post-workout I felt very accomplished. I was pretty satisfied with my times, being that it was only my sixth group class and I am still so new to exerting myself in such a batshit crazy way.

Round 1: 1:49

Round 2: 1:46

Round 3: 2:03

Round 4: 1:53

Round 5: 1:51

That's some yolo gangster swag right there.

***

WHAT'S "HEALTHY" and WHAT ISN'T

I'd first like to say that the whole idea of "healthy" is so subjective. To me, healthy = happy, first and foremost. There are a buttload of miserable people out there who juice cleanse all day everyday. In other words, I totally think that WHAT you eat, comes secondary to actually being a happy person on the inside. I can counter-argue, too, that if you eat mostly whole, real, unprocessed foods that come from reputable, responsible sources, you will absolutely be a happier person. But it doesn't start with the food. It starts with YOU. That's all I'll say on that. 

Now, more than ever, there is an overwhelming outpour of diets, methods, programs, cleanses, etc., that all swear that their way is the best way. Many of them contradict each other, so it's no wonder that so many people are confused about what really is the "right" or "wrong" way of eating. 

Here is what I have to say about that: We are all biologically DIFFERENT from each other, therefore we all have a biologically different reaction to different foods / different ways of eating. 

My advice:

TUNE-IN TO YOUR BODY. EXPERIMENT. Be aware of HOW YOU feel after you eat certain foods. Notice patterns. Write stuff down. Your body is the BEST source of information. LISTEN TO IT, then act accordingly. Fuck everything and everyone else. You are YOUR OWN EXPERT. 

If you notice that eating healthy sources of gluten makes you feel great, by all means eat it! The same goes for soy, dairy or animal products...even stupid juice cleanses!  I'll be the first to say that I HATE (with an emphasis on the "t") juice cleanses. They do not work for me. I am also a meat eater. I function at my finest eating this way right now. Not to say that one year from now this will be the best diet for me, but given how active I am and the type of exercise I am doing, this way of eating fuels me well and leaves me feeling energized. If that changes, I will have to tweak the way I eat. 

Get it? Got it? GOOD. Boom.

That's a wrap.

heartI love you. Now I need to go be my big, bad bossy self for five more hours...Holler.heart

kissMuahkiss

 XOXO

Final Meat. Of. The. Week.

February 18, 2014

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Y'all...

We have a heat wave on the horizon in New York City. Check it:

Get read to STRIP! My bikini is waiting in the wings. I'm ready. 

<Sigh> 

As much as I do love the Winter, I'm starting to get over this layering situation. Not only is it a total energy suck, I end up sweating bullets in-transit = DELETE. It's time for NYC to bring on some mother fucking HEAT. I'm ready to show some skin. 

***

Now <pause> without further ado...I'll let the selfies ensue...(sweet rhyme, right?). I think so. Now, HIT IT like you mean it.

 

...The Laura-with-one-eyeball pose, for the single reason that it's my good side.

...The I'm-so-excited-to-see-you wuddup pose with not one, but two hands. TWO hands, folks.

The look-at-my-new-ninja-socks from Heatherbomb pose.

And finally...the exceptionally close shot of my new DOLLA $ign earrings...becauuuuuuuuse I'm a BALLA. Duh. Dollas for ballas, Yo. #hashtag that shit. #dollas4ballas.

***

A'ight. You ready for your FINAL MEAT. OF. THE. WEEK?!?!?

Here is WHY you should take a bite out of LAMB...

Beyond being an excellent source of Vitamin B12, Protein, Selenium, Vitamin B3 and Zinc, well-sourced lamb can be one of the BEST sources of Omega-3 fatty acids! 

Say what?!?!?

You heard me, Ojos. 100% organic, grass-fed lamb can be an excellent source of these healthy fats! I found this surprising, because fish gets most of the street cred in this department. It's important to note that organic lamb has been shown to have at least a quarter more omega-3s AND up to 49% more ALAs (alpha-linolenic acid = building blocks for omega-3s) than it's conventional counterpart. That's just code for... 

GO ORGANIC OR GO HOME. 

Another shocker...Lamb is rich in CLA = Conjugated Lineoleic Acid. CLA is an Omega-6 fatty acid, which most Americans consume too much of = no bueno. CLA is an exception to the "omega-6 fatty acids are generally unhealthy" rule. It has been shown to improve immunity, reduce inflammation, improve bone mass, stabilize blood sugar and reduce levels of body fat!

BOOM. Like a G.

...Lamb is also fancy and trés chic. I'll leave you with that.

source: whfoods.com

***

That's all for today, Homies.

kissMuahkiss

 XOXO

 

Tha Schedge This Week

February 17, 2014

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'Sup Suckas?!?

HAPPY DÍA DE LOS PRESIDENTES!

I am a happy woman.

Slept a solid eight hours. Deleted a shit ton of calories in my hot yoga class this morning, and now I'm talking to all of your beautiful eyeballs. 

<SIGH>

I also took some amazing selfies. Check it.

Here's me in my 9,000 layers, trekking in the zero degree weather to namaste like a G.

Wuddup!

...and now, some standard, routine shots of me in the kitchen throwing out some peace signs 'n shit... Wait a second...Who's that photobombing my ass?!?

...

<GASP!>

I was HIJACKED y'all!

That's Matthew aka "Matthewer" aka HB's business partner. He finally stopped being a pussy and welcomed Pilates back into his life at Casa de Constantiner this morning.

We strengthened. We lengthened. Matthew did great, however it should go without saying that I did have to do some yelling...show him who's boss. <wink wink>

***

A'ight. Let's hit the schedge! 

AGENDA THIS WEEK

Tuesday: This will be the final week featuring meat! Come find out WHY and HOW eating Lamb can be beneficial to your health.

Wednesday: We're going deep, Homies. With so many food trends happening right now, it's impossible to know what's healthy and what isn't. The second something is deemed healthy and amazing for the body, an article comes out about how it can actually be harmful to our health, so how the fuck are we supposed to know what's really healthy?!? ...I'll tell you why, and hopefully put your mind at ease, so that you feel more in control and happy about the food you put in your boca.

Thursday: #TBTizzle. Hit up INSTA or Facebook Ninajs.

Friday: IT'S TREAT TIME. 

***

I'm out. I love you. 'Tis time to teach like a B. Woot!

heartPeaceheart

 XOXO